Guys, we got a lot of our calendar terms from the Ancient Romans. The months in particular are mostly named either for Roman Gods or prominent public figures who were said to have been promoted to deity upon their deaths. Those that aren’t have vestigial names based on Latin numbers—September through December, to be specific, pretty much mean “seventh month” through “tenth month,” because nobody thought to change it around when we came around to a twelve month calendar. Right now we’re at the start of Juno’s month, in honor of the Goddess of Ellen Page movies, and then we’ll be honoring Julius Caesar, followed by Caesar Augustus. See, guys? It is possible to be remembered forever. You just have to conquer a substantial portion of the world before everybody else has had a chance to come up with a name for something important.
Anyway. What’s more interesting (aside from the fact that, as an ancient Roman citizen, your months might change name all of a sudden) is the ancient Roman system for days. Every month still had thirty of them, but only three had names of their own,and the precise date was given in relation to whichever of those was approaching. Essentially, the Kalends was the first of the month, the Nones was the seventh, and the Ides was the fifteenth. Today being the fifth, a Roman would have said that it was two before Nones. What makes this more practical than our current system is that, originally at least, the Ides fell on the full moon, the Kalends on the new moon, and the Nones on the half moon, meaning that if you lost track of the date, you could simply check the moon to get at least a rough approximation.
“Shit— is the rent due?”
“Nah. It’s not quite a full moon, rent’s due on Kalends.
“Swell, I get paid on Ides. I can blow the rest of this on baths or whatever.”
When I take over the world, we’re going back to this system. Maybe then I’ll get a month named after me. That’s what I learned today.